How to know if you are an Obsessed American Carper:



1. You donít have bivvy slippers, you just run out into the rain with the mud oozing between your toes just to hit a run, actually you donít have a bivvy either, just a 5 gallon bucket to sit on and an umbrella if you remembered it.
2. You donít have a tea break, you guzzle Surge, by daybreak you are so wound up and ready for the morning feeding frenzy that you can hear the carp picking up your baits.
3. Your wife thanks goodness you have switched over from using Rotten King Crab baits to Razzleberry boilies which smell so much better.
4. You donít use aftershave anymore thinking Tuti Fruity smells good enough for the people at work or a date with the wife.
5. At work no one wants to eat lunch with you because you only talk about carp fishing.
6. You miss so much time from work to carp fish that your boss would fire you but he thinks you are terminally ill.
7. You use bait flavors to deodorize the house and hide some of your other bait making chores.
8. You are not allowed to make boilies in the kitchen anymore.
9. The neighbors petition your Home Owners Association to have your fermenting chum buckets relocated to another county.
10. No one will ride in the back of your truck for fear of a stray hook hooking them or a bankstick sticking them in the butt.
11. You are afraid your sinker box might fall off of the closet shelf and crush you.
12. You wish your house had 12 foot ceilings so you wouldnít have to take your 12 foot carp fishing rods apart.
13. You donít take a roll of toilet paper with you on a weekend carp fishing trip because it takes up too much room that you could use for boilies.
14. You dream you are spodding.
15. You think only sissies open their sweet corn cans before they get to the river.
16. You always forget your can-opener but know how to open a can of sweet corn with a bankstick.
17. You put last years bite alarm batteries in your home smoke detectors and used the new smoke detector batteries for your bite alarms
18. Your freezer has more bait than meat.
19. Your wife once accidentally ate a boilie thinking it was a cookie, you then told her that you were making cookies to take fishing and would she please stop eating them all.
20. You switched to barbless hooks so you could get them out of your living room rug easier when you are tying rigs at home.
21. You always have a spare spool of dental floss with you.
22. You have filed down the barb on your boilie needle so it is easier to remove from your fingers at night if you are clumsy.
23. You have 10 different kinds of boilie stoppers.
24. Your rod pod is worth more than your rods.
25. You donít mind your fishing partners snoring because it scares the bears away at night.
26. Your wife tops up her old potpourri with your Mulberry Florentine.
27. You use your sleeping bag for an unweighing mat, and then sleep in it.
28. You have more pictures in your billfold of your BFC than of your kids.
29. You have two carp hooked but wont give up one rod to your carp fishing mate because you canít tell which carp is bigger.
30. You are concerned that your wind braking fishing friends vibrate the bank too often and too much and will scare the carp away.
31.You read maps of hot carp fishing spots to try in the bathroom.
32. You have more recipes for boilies than your wife does for meals.
33. You give your American swims British names to confuse everyone.
34. You want everyone to hear your bite alarms at night so you hook them up to loud speakers.
35. You will wake your carp fishing friends up to net any sized fish for you but complain if you are woken up to net anything under 30 pounds.
36. You tell bass fishermen that you are catfishing so they wont tell anyone where you were catching carp.
37. You can tie a hair rig in the dead of night without a flashlight but canít tie your shoes in the dark.
38. You have ever tasted your bait to see if it was fresh enough for the carp.
39. You get upset if your wife uses your baitmaking measuring spoons.

Finally, you donít mind fishing with Euros even though they talk funny because they always share their tackle bits and pieces with you and chum with pounds of boilies so you donít have to.
OatmealJack
Potomac River CAG
March 1999

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